Who should pay for the first date? Dating coaches and a couples therapist weigh in

cnbc.com:

When it comes to dating etiquette, one question seems to inspire more anxiety than most: Who pays for the first date?

Dating experts think there is a clear answer for heterosexual couples.

«The man should pay for the first date,» said Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men. Erika Ettin, an online dating coach, agrees.

«I recommend my male clients pay and my female clients offer,» said Ettin, the founder of A Little Nudge. Men should politely decline that offer, unless the woman insists, in which case the man should accept it, Ettin added.

The etiquette «shouldn't be that complicated,» she said.

Public opinion is more or less in line with what dating experts say. Most Americans, 72%, say a man should pay for the first date, according to a recent NerdWallet survey. About 68% of adults stress about their finances when organizing a date, and 69% said they have felt uncomfortable on dates because of how much it will cost, according to a recent Self Financial poll.

Whoever pays, the average person pays $77 for a first date, according to a LendingTree survey. That adds up. The average man paid $861 on dates in 2019 while the average woman spent $500, LendingTree found.

«Plan something that's within your budget,» said Anderson, founder of Dating By Blaine.

«If you're concerned about cost, you have planned a date that is too expensive,» Anderson added. Feeling the need to go to a fancy dinner to impress your date means «you're approaching the date wrong,» she said.

Historically, men were expected to cover the bill due to traditional roles of men as household breadwinners and women as caregivers for children, said Carli Blau, a couples and dating therapist.

While society has changed tremendously, men likely still feel a